my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
