I smell stomach acid.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize