"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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