I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
