Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize