Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
