U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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