Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
