Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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