I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
