we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
