My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
