highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
