She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
