Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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