SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
