Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
