every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
