I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Will exercising make me less horny?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
