Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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