It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I pour the whiskey from now on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
