I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
