Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
