i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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