Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and she was petting her beer can
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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