Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
