i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
