Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
