it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
