In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
