absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the condom got lost in my hair
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize