I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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