problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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