I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
