Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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