I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
