I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
