the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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