cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
