4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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