1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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