I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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