i think my tv is drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
