Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
