she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize