do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
