Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
