my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
