you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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