her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
