Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
