dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
