Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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