im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
