Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
