Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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