you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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