It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
