So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
