i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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