Porn is love you can see.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
