This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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