i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
