i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
