I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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