I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
