I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize