Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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