First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We are all done wearing pants today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
