New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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