I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
