"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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