so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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