How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
