I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
