i don't plan on having that self control this summer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
