dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Will exercising make me less horny?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
