I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
