if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
