I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
