I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
