Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
