i just google imaged poop.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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