Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
