Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
