i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
