New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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