We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
