bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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