He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize