And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize