Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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