At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
