i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
