I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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