drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His nipple licking is glorious
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