dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
