How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
