Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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