Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
