I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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