Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
