R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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