god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize