happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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