I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you had me at cake vodka
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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